Have you had your heart broken by someone who actually means the world to you? Well, I’m sure you can relate this.
Growing up, I built a wall around myself, no emotions whatsoever. I choose not to feel a thing, I was so afraid of being in a relationship because of my mum’s bad experience, but I had a friend who told me never to, because of someone else’s a bad experience.
Few days to 2012, I met this amazing boy. It wasn’t the usual love at first sight though but we did fall in love and I started a relationship with him (oh that was my first love). I thought it was a match made in heaven (every teenager thinks like that about their first love).
To me then nothing else mattered, I just wanted to live all at the moment and get drown in the love I thought I was feeling. Yeah, before I forget I was just 17 years and already dating this very fine boy in my class, nothing out of the ordinary. Just a lot of love talks, dinner nights and assignments together. We helped each other so much that I was so lazy and believed I was good at nothing, not that I didn’t try, he just wouldn’t let me. Of course, I thought about him all day, because I don’t have anything else to do.
Wow, 5 years we were still good and others hoped and prayed to be us- The Perfect Couple. But, deep inside of me I knew something was off. He was sweet, yes, but I could feel something was off. It wasn’t like my instinct wasn’t giving me hints; I just didn’t want to believe it. I decided to carve out time and study him more closely.
Or was it an investigation?
Anyways, guess what? He was cheating!
Fast forward to the part where we broke up and just like that 6years was gone. Terrible and horrifying but I think I survived. Lol.
Heartbreak is horrible, it’s like being awake and under the knife; you get to feel every bit of the cut and slice, get stitched up and definitely watch yourself heal. You start thinking “What did do?” “Was I not good enough?” “Am I not beautiful enough?” “Was it because I was short?” Damn girl, he just didn’t deserve you.
Heartbreak is a phase that definitely passes but how you get through it defines or undermines you. Remember when one door closes another opens.
Let’s check the practical steps that got me through:
1. No Alcohol
Drenching myself in alcohol was the first thing that came to my mind. Taking alcohol can be tempting but it makes you look weak and do foolish things that you will totally regret when you’re sober. I learned that the hard way. After drowning myself in tequila, can you imagine, I actually went over to my ex and telling him how much I’d miss him, lol. Where’s my dignity? I was drunk, so I had none.
So dear, rule no 1 is to not get over a break-up with alcohol. Drinking will give you a momentary relieve but with a hangover and cruel headache that will definitely need some aspirin. Take your time to feel the pain, damn someone broke your heart, not some ceramic plate, rant all you can just don’t hide behind alcohol, it can only get worse for your senses and health.
You wouldn’t want your ex to feel he held the keys to your life. Oh, you can’t handle it, so you want to take some beer or tequila? Just a few bottles or shots and the pain will go easy on you. You’re lying to yourself if you think that. Moreover, I need your head to be clear for the next step.
2. Throw Away Those Memories
What do you have that belong to him? His shirt, shorts or pictures on the wall (or wherever you might have kept them). Pack them and throw them away. Burning does a lot of wonders too.
Ok, you feel it’s too much to burn, or thrown away, pack them up and send as a package. The target here is to get rid of him, his scent and everything that reminds you of him.
I painted my apartment with my ex and it came with so many memories, but I needed to let go if I wanted to be healthy, grow and live my life. So I went paint shopping, I bought the paint colors he would totally hate and started painting my room just to have a feel of a fresh start.
Life is like a dresser, it doesn’t matter how much you want to buy more clothes, if you never take out the ugly old ones, the ones that suck the energy out of you, you’ll never have space for the new ones.
3. Stop Contact
Yes, how can you move on when you slid back to check his previous chats with you and his profile to know if he is putting up some other girl’s picture and check up any girl he has ever snapped with?
Just imagine the sudden rush of hot sweat on your face, stomach upset and the heart rumble when you finally find that evil you’re digging around his profile for. Believe me, you’re a very bad person for doing that to yourself. Take action now. Delete his contact; block him on Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram or any other means you often communicate with me. This helps to stop jealousy and quicken self-recovery. Remember, you’re in a healing phase, and re-opening old wounds will slow down the process.
4. Talk To Someone
You need someone to talk to, I had my friend, I cry-talked (I was certain she didn’t hear a thing I had to say) but she listened anyway and hugged me, and I felt better. Just allow yourself to share your part of the story with someone, you need to let it all out and not lock it up. The pains you’re feeling is inside, deep down and it‘ll continue to chew you up if you don’t let out. You don’t want to feel depressed over someone who doesn’t really deserve you. Or do you?
5. Discover Yourself
Did you disappear when you’re with him? Did you forget who are and who you wanted to be and how you’d have loved to go to Italy to have some Lasagna? Where you so in love with him that he became who you are, what you wanted and who you wanted to become.
How can you be happy when you’ve disappeared in a relationship where you made him happy? It’s time to choose and discover yourself. You need to find yourself on your own without people feeling that you’re incapable. My ex always made me feel lazy that I always thought that I couldn’t do stuffs without him.
The exact thought of what can I do without him came to my mind when we broke up. I was confused and had no idea where to start from. I went to my journal and I started back from before I met him, to remind myself who I wanted to become, what I wanted to do and why I need to be proud of myself.
6. Focus Your Energy On Something
How was the self-discovery? What did you discover? Pen them down together with the reasons why you need to do them. I discovered I wanted to be a fashion photographer. Lol, not that I am now but I’ve started taking classes for that, I think that took a lot of courage to start. It might probably not be my main gig but will definitely be part of it. I also started a self and health improvement blog just to share my story online, to feel relieved and better.
Life is like riding a bicycle, in order to keep your balance you have to keep moving forward. Redirect your energy to a new skill or something that is of interest to you like yoga, jogging, singing, writing or dancing.
Don’t forget to eat some chocolates, the feeling I get when I eat chocolates is priceless and that makes me really, really happy.
Ok, that’s it…
You are a great and incredible person, but time has come for a change that needs you to start focusing on yourself. Every day is a gift, and each day gets you closer to being fine. Don’t feel bad shedding some tears, allow it to flow, because every tear is like a feeling of pain, and make sure you shed them out, and you’ll definitely feel better and brand new.
So what was the story behind your heartbreak and how did you get over it? I would love to hear about them, or you can connect with me up here.
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