To some people trust is an easy commodity they can easily afford while to others, it’s pretty much the hardest. You sometimes get the nagging feeling that something is off about your relationship. At times, you might not know what it’s about but deep down, you just don’t trust your partner.
Often people lack trust because of the negative experience from the people close to them breaking their trust. Others can be because of what their partner has done- be it an overt betrayal or just behavior that makes us feel uncomfortable.
When it comes to having a beautiful and successful relationship, trust is paramount. That assurance of trust has to be there, that’s if you don’t want to go crazy sieving through every detail of their whereabout.
If your trust for your partner has shifted base to the trash, don’t deny your concerns or walk past what your gut is telling you. Just relax and look out for the following signs;
1. You Constantly Have an Eye on their Social Media
When I was struggling with my relationship, I often see myself snuck up to him just to have a view of who’s following him, who he’s following and the people he’s chatting up with. So if you find yourself constantly sneaking a glance at your partners’ social media handles or constantly obsessing over their social feed, then something is amiss.
Don’t get me wrong, we’re all guilty of occasionally stalking our partner on social media but when your sole motive is to check on who they’re tagging and talking to and you do so 24/7, then that’s a huge sign you don’t trust them.
It’s tiring to keep watch over your partners profile, scrutinizing every comment and like you find there. Somehow you always find strength and time to always stalk them, you may be having some trust issues.
Going nuts stalking your partner on social media? Well, this is the time you’re to gently talk to them about the people on their friend list that unsettle you and let them be aware to the extent it bothers you. And never forget to tell them the reason why.
2. You are still Hung Up to the Details of their Past
Even when all seems to be smooth in your relationship and for the most times you feel happy but somehow you still think about and remember specific detail from your partners past. Like who knows if they still keep a tag on their ex?
If you still find yourself dwelling on certain situations and deep down you think some things still don’t add up, know that you don’t trust your partner.
Communication remains the key here, you can’t keep worrying about things that add up and what doesn’t without first being sure. Don’t just be obsessing, lay it bare before them by talking it out then give them a chance to explain.
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3. You are Picky about their Friends
This really feels weird to do- getting all over your partner to choose their friends for them. Although this could be good, if that friend is super bad for your partner. But if they’re not, it’s a NO!
Your partner has a right to choose their own buddies, the only right you have is whether to associate yourself with them or not. It’s natural not to be comfortable with some individual your significant half is hanging out with. To some others, you might find them totally cool but to those you find yourself dreading, you’ll find out you struggle to trust them.
Now by merely not trusting some of your partner’s buddies, so will you not trust their bad influence on your significant half.
To be able to fix this, you’ll have to pay attention to the vibe and feeling you’re getting when your partner is around them. If it doesn’t sit out right with you, find out why, and then pick a good time to share those concerns with your partner.
4. You Constantly Accuse them of things Before you Find Out the Truth.
Perhaps they constantly miss an old friend’s call or liked a girl’s photo on social media. Now both of these situations could be an absolutely normal occurrence, with no warning bells attached to them but with lack of trust, it could mean a bunch of other wrong things.
You will find yourself asking “why is he liking that girls pictures out of the blues?” or “if those calls were genuine, why isn’t he picking up?”
The worst thing about lacking trust is that you’ll have your mind make up a scenario that is generally a lot worse than the real truth. And if you have yourself believing this scenario, and accuse your partner of them before you actually dig to find the truth, then your relationship is about to hit the rock.
Never be upfront with accusing your significant half. When you find out or hear something about your partner, try to think it through or go ahead to find the truth. This will allow you to be sure about the point you’re making before actually making them or confronting your partner with it.
5. You Hardly Put your Guard Down
It’s uncomfortable to not be free and totally yourself when you’re in a relationship. It’s almost like walking on an egg shell. The reason why people clam up in a relationship is that they don’t want to open up to excessive criticism and judgment. If you don’t trust your partner because they find a way to make you a little unworthy and lost, you’ll find out that you’re never comfortable around them.
You rarely trust them with your feelings, because who knows they might criticize that too. They’re quick to point out the bad in whatever you do. They criticize your singing, cooking, the way you eat or even body shame you.
Now in this sort of relationship, nobody would want to bring their guard down. I know I wouldn’t.
If you found out that there are actions you would prefer not to say or do around your partner, carefully pen them down. Check if it has something to do with your personality or theirs, or if there’s something more serious to the reason for your reluctance to be vulnerable.
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6. You Follow their Whereabouts
If this isn’t a sign of not trusting your partner, I don’t know what else is. When you frequently ask friends and family or call their workplace not really to ask after them but to check if they’re there like they told you they would. Then you have serious trust issues about your partner.
This sort of surveillance and the whereabout questions come as a result of doubts in a relationship, whether you’re direct or scooping the information from other people.
Unfortunately, the hardest possible thing to do when you’re insecure about your partner’s whereabout is to ask yourself these questions;
- Would you be fine with it if the table were to be turned around and they’re the one keeping tabs on your steps and whereabouts?
- Do you think you’re probably misreading the situation?
- Are you ready to lose your relationship if they should find out?
If the answers to these questions are ‘NO’ then try cutting your partner some slacks and if YES? Then, quit so as to retain your sanity.
7. You do Everything on your own
They joy of being in a relationship is to have a companion who you can share everything with including tasks. But, if you don’t feel at ease delegating some tasks to your partner, it’s a sign that you don’t trust that they could get the job done.
Though it’s a separate issue if naturally, you like to be in control of everything, this dynamic is a problem which can be caused by feeling let down in the past.
Try testing them with a task or two and watch if they’ll prove themselves reliable and responsible or if they’ll come up with a billion excuses.
8. You always Feel Insecure and Jealous
First, let me add that jealousy every once in a while is a spicy part of a relationship. If jealousy doesn’t pop up every once in a while they don’t really care that much. But easily and always being jealous is mixed with the feeling of not being good enough is toxic in a relationship.
However, some habitual behaviors like flirting and being secretive from your partner can turn you into a jealous and insecure individual.
Whatever is your reason for those feelings of jealousy or insecurity, is a sure sign of severe lack of trust. For all we know, those feelings could be all wrong but since you don’t trust them you keep feeling that way.
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In order for you to stop reading too much meaning into what they do, try talking to them about those behaviors that’s making you feel jealous and insecure. Have them assure you that all is well between both of you.
9. You seek Password to their Account and Devices
Just like scooping in on their social media, demanding password for your partners’ Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, email address and even their phones can destroy a relationship. It’s a sign you don’t trust your partner if all you want to do is check up on who they’re talking to and what they’re up to.
Respecting your partner’s need for privacy surpasses your trust issues. Even if you can’t surpress your obsession for wanting to know their every move on their phone and social media, let respect for their privacy be reason enough. Who knows they might come to the point where they’re comfortable enough to share their password with you.
Trust is the base of every good and beautiful relationship, and your relationship should be a good source of happiness and joy to you and your partner. If it’s not, something worrisome is going on.
Whatever reason you might have for not trusting your partner, or for not feeling right in your relationship, you’re just the right person to make things Right! And right now is the time to talk to your partner about certain things. Try starting a genuine conversation without judging, so you can both help one another feel valued, loved and supported.
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