Often times, when we meet people who are full of positive energy; we are affected, one of the effects could be deep joy and happiness.
Also, we can at some point in time, meet someone who can be negatively energized: who will resist, sabotage or threaten any slight possibility of personal growth. This kind of people exhibit tons of negative signs and it’s totally ok to regard them as toxic people. They go the extra mile to mess with your head, bend you like barbed wire in an endless attempt to please them, resent you or your progress, perhaps they feel you’d no longer be in their life if you improve too much.
Intentionally and expectedly, they do and say things that they know upset you. And usually, we would remove them from our lives or avoid them, but not everyone can do that. Some of us literally have to deal with them on a daily basis.
So how do you deal with toxic people?
To actually deal with toxic people, you have to understand how you are affected (the effects of toxicity around you). Toxic people are contagious and being around toxic people can actually affect you or make you pick up some toxic attributes which you resent in them. This makes it very dangerous and why removing them from your life is usually recommended.
What we are talking about here is true toxicity from people who are capable of manipulating you in fits of rage, not just a reaction from an old friend in high school who’s complaining about not spending some real time with you.
Of course, tolerating a toxic person differs relative to each person; you’ll have to determine when you need to stay away from people or totally cut them off. I’ll have my own breaking point and it’ll certainly not be at the same level as yours.
It’s your own life; you determine what should happen in it. So, what we’re talking about is the kind of toxicity that can destroy, control, infect and totally take over your life.
Being able to spot their harmful behavior is the first step to minimizing their impact. Here are a few signs of really toxic people:
1. They Are Control Freaks
They always find a nice way into manipulating you because they’re never in control of their own lives. They always find a possible way to erode on your boundaries to control you for their own selfish gains. Respecting people’s boundaries should come naturally with every adult but a toxic person often thrives in disregarding and violating people’s boundaries just to be in control.
2. They Are Selfish
They are busy thinking of themselves that they rarely show any concern for others. Give and take is the lifeblood of true friendship. Sometimes you may need a hand of help, sometimes your friend does, but in the end, it usually evens out. Never in this case with a toxic person, they’re there to always collect from you, as long as you’re willing and ready to give to them. Always expecting you to prioritize them but refuse to prioritize you.
3. They Are Always Right
Toxic people can never have the thought to be wrong. They always want to be right and cannot be wrong even when it’s obvious they could be wrong. They will always argue their point; always ready to balance their reasons to why they are right until you give up out of exhaustion.
They live in the world of me and are often disappointed when they are not the center of the universe.
4. They Are Always The Victim
Welcome to the whiners, and because they’re never wrong, in self-defense they’ll always play the victim. They often find ways to feel and look oppressed and victimized, in ways that clearly seem not. They’re always looking for a way to clearly dish out blames for every one of their mistakes or life’s misfortune and obstacles. It’s always as if drama follows them wherever they go.
5. They Never Take Responsibilities
Part of having to play the victim comes because they hate taking responsibility for their actions.
Of course, the list could go on and on. You just have to watch how they treat others because they’re not nice, unless it serves them a purpose (if you’re using you, or they want something from you, they can be really charming and a real darling).
How to handle a toxic person
1. Be Kind
Just because someone is rude, aggressive and deceitful or a liar shouldn’t make you take advantage of that to do same. When you try to retaliate, you’ll definitely end up being like them; of course, there won’t be any much difference. Hence, you should stand on your standards and let people see them for what they truly are.
2. Restate Your Boundaries
Most times we don’t know when we lose ourselves by being under the influence of a toxic person. Establish firm and healthy boundaries and don’t feel guilty about it, because they’re relentless in their pursuit for their selfish gains and they don’t regard who gets hurt along the way.
Setting boundaries are generally needful but they become more important if you are dealing with a toxic person. When you poorly define your boundaries, you often become easy prey, a target; definitely, they will often take advantage of you and erode on your boundaries for their gains. Just learn to work out what is important to you and make sure you bulge it.
3. Be Firm
They don’t accept boundaries, because they want their own way at all cost, so be prepared to stand firm and on your ground when dealing with a toxic person in your life.
If you’re not giving in to what they want, they’ll try all physical and emotionally tactics to get through it, just be prepared, observe and stand firm on your decision.
4. Be Positive
Nothing drains the energy than being around someone who always has something negative to say, full of criticism, fault-finding and judgmental or generally toxic. One of the best tips is to focus on is yourself and stay in the moment. When you focus on what’s happening now, it’s much difficult to focus on the negative energy or toxic reaction from the person.
Just to remind you, most of another’s negativity or toxicity isn’t all about you, so it is much healthier not take every negative word or action personally or you will find yourself drawn into their toxic web.
4. Walk Away
I have learned that some people are not good for me, no matter how much I love them. When I feel like I’m choking, stuck or losing control in a toxic relationship, and cannot change the whole situation, walking away is perfect for me.
Trying to mend, fix a person because they’re toxic or cleaning up their mess is often chaotic and you’ll just get dirty. At the end of the day, you might need to end your relationship with the person.
If someone is really affecting your mental, physical health and well being with negativity, please END it and move on because the battle they’re fighting isn’t with you but within them.
Of course, letting go of people can be very painful particularly if you have a long history with the person and have them so much in your heart but in the case of toxic people, short-term pain is preferably better than long-term pain.
Sometimes, walking away has nothing to do with being weak or a coward rather it has everything to do with strength and courage. We walk away when we have reminded ourselves of our self-worth and have finally realized it.
Ok, that’s it…
In the end, you should realize, it’s your life and you have the right to live it happily. You just have to learn to pay attention to whom your energy increases or decreases around because that’s the universe giving you hints on who you should embrace or stay away from. You don’t EVER owe anybody any explanation for taking care of yourself.