Painful Ways Emotional Abuse Can Change You

Emotional AbuseSometimes we can be abused emotionally, just like physical abuse. This is just the type of abuse we face that is underrated. In fact, it now seems OK to experience emotional abuse because we don’t get hurt physically. And sometimes people fail to understand, that our emotions can affect our physical health and change us either positively or negatively.

Someone can try so much to manipulate your emotion in an attempt to suite them without going physical on you. This becomes an attempt to control your emotions just like it is with physical abuse. The slight difference is that the emotional abusers don’t use physical objects or attempts, or other physical forms of harm, but, rather plays on your emotions.

This is worst than being abused physically. It takes the mind all to a different new level of suffering, pain and damage Life after emotional abuse is so far from being calm after the storm, rather it drives you into a much more confusing state. And the truth is that you’re far from being ok.

Growing up, I wasn’t emotionally abused but my mum suffered it and I received a portion of the effect of the abuse. I often watch my mum cry herself to sleep after a very bad day. Waking up, your mind becomes prepared to receive unforgiving words repeated over and over again from someone without remorse, and at the same time having them define how you should feel makes it unbearable.

Sometimes even with your mind prepared you still find yourself being manipulated, controlled and abused emotionally. This is because the people abusing you emotionally don’t find what they are doing to be wrong or see the damages they might be causing you.

Emotional abuse is just about anything done with an intention to cause hurt and pains;

  • Undermining your confidence in yourself, worthiness, confidence, and trust.
  • Making you feel crazy and unstable.
  • Subjecting you to state of shame and fear.

Just to know, emotional abuse doesn’t come directly as it looks. Sometimes, it comes with sarcasm, irony and mumblings and communicated with body languages, sighs, just about anything to make you feel less without feeling hitting you.

We can be emotionally abused by anyone but it hurts most from people we tend to have feelings for. It makes love hurt.

Ways Emotional Abuse Changes you

1. Numbness

You isolate yourself, becoming more of an observer than a participant. You’re in between feeling good and bad at the same time. You build up a wall around your heart most times preventing anything from going in and out. Sometimes you can feel hopeless like you’ve lost it and you’re permanently damaged.

It’s always good to feel the pressure and numbness because it allows you to have a better approach of developing a sense of love needed to hold your pains and emotions.

2. Difficulty Trusting People in your Life

Having someone you love abuse or let you down, it’s always challenging and difficult attempting to trust again. You always find yourself at the junction of analyzing whatever people say and do whether good or bad. Sometimes, you end up getting rid of the people who actually have nice intentions towards you.

3. Your Self-Esteem Drops

Just like you wake up and say some positive affirmations to yourself, you’re motivated, energized and your self-confidence takes it to the climax stage. Same way, when you always hear all negatives words and abusive comments directed to you, your self esteem depletes and you become disgusted with yourself and live in self-doubt.

All of those harsh words, and overwhelming comments were put into your world, stinging your heart and making you unsure of yourself.

This point you have to realize your self-worth and replace those negative and harsh comments with positive affirmations. Remind yourself why you’re good inside and out, what makes you stand out and choose to define your happiness by yourself and for yourself.

4. Feeling Detached

Isolation often leads to detachment and any form of detachment be it a feeling of distance and calmness, going into overdrive on shopping sprees or even object happiness is a way your mind is trying to defend you.

This is just one quick way you’ll know that emotional abuse has taken place and the feeling you’re getting afterward is as a result of an abuse.

5. Depression

Sometimes, its assumed depression is caused by anger but I know emotional abuse can make you slip in and out of depression. Being emotional abused makes you give up on emotions and any chances of getting real happiness, and sometimes on life because they’ve been beaten down and trampled on by the emotions of other people.

So, it puts you in a position where you feel no safety whatsoever, just shame, fear, anger and thinking of ways to punish themselves. I get it. You’re at the moment were you’re being stripped out the energy in you, and when you run out of energy you slip into depression.

6. You Blame Yourself

At this stage, it becomes devastating- you live in self-condemnation and blame yourself for being abused. You begin to feel victimized. If someone hits you, it’s very easy to see and say that he is the problem but if the abuse was verbal and subtle. You’ll more likely think it’s your problem.

Emotional abuse is more personal than physical abuse more about who you are and more about your personal worth.

The truth is that…

Emotional abuse causes havoc on our lives. At this point, you have to recognize that you’re emotionally abused and ready to heal. But, healing from those traumas cannot begin until the abuse is stopped either by challenging the abuse or leaving the relationship.

Well, it’s easier said than done. The fear we suffer as a result of the abuse, makes it difficult to challenge our abuser, always making you to think there’s no way to escape.

But, if you manage to escape, and be free from the abuse, it’s becomes an uphill battle to heal. Simple process to healing can include;

  • Acknowledging the abuse because you cannot heal when you don’t know if you’ve been abused, why you need to heal and what to heal from.
  • Be determined on willing to be healed; this is the stage you either make it or you’ll break.
  • Trigger self-compassion and transfer such compassion to other partner who actually abused you. It is a way to heal yourself by letting go and relieving yourself the burden you feel. You’ll need to be kind to yourself and understand all you felt is just a protect mechanism and doesn’t show your worth.

Emotional Abuse

In the end, you need to find happiness; you need to feel yourself in a positive. Allow yourself to know you did the best you could with an impossible situation because the more you begin assure yourself and rest on this truth, the softer your heart will become and more peace you can experience within you

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3 Comments

  1. What a great post. Even though we are going a shift where people are starting to acknowledge issues like emotional abuse, a lot of people still don’t understand or even respect that this is an issue.

    For anyone reading this and realizing that they are in an emotionally abusive relationship (and any type of relationship can be abusive, not only romantic ones), I hope you can get out and move on. It is easier said (or typed) than done but you can do it.

  2. I lived in an emotionally abusive relationship for 19 years. It almost killed me…. it finally took me realizing I was either going to kill myself (leaving 2 young children) or GET OUT! I got out and never looked back (never shed a tear! But it had changed me in all the ways you mentioned. 7 years later, I still deeply struggle with even knowing who I am. He destroyed who I was. I’ve NEVER regretted leaving but I’m not sure I’ll ever heal.

    • YOU WILL HEAL. It does seem unachievable at first but with time it’s obtainable. Mark my words that few years from today you’ll look for the old, hurting and ‘seemingly destroyed’ version of yourself and you’ll never find her. Just be determined to be happy.

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