Love doesn’t see faults.
Love doesn’t count mistakes.
Love doesn’t hold grudges.
And you’re in love, right? That’s good.
All you want to see is the good in everything your partner is doing, and you’re so blind to the bad behaviors of your partner because you care so much about him.
I don’t blame you. It’s common when you’re in love…
I know every relationship have their stumbling blocks. You’re dealing with a human with feelings.
No one is perfect, but there’s a difference between a forgivable mistake and a bright red flag waving at you.
Here are things you should not tolerate in your relationship;
1. Your Partner Often Interrupts and Talks Over You
Well, I don’t know how you feel about this, but to me, this is very disrespectful…
And hell No! This isn’t when he’s cute trying to finish your sentences…
But, when he often interrupts and unruly talks over you like your own opinion doesn’t matter to him, or it isn’t needed.
Don’t tolerate this. This is one of the early signs of a toxic person.
But, if you think, it was a new habit or mistakenly happened then, try talking it out with your partner. Let them know how you felt and what you’re feeling at the moment.
One of the solid foundations of a healthy relationship is communication – not a one-way conversation though but a two-way conversation.
2. He Pressures you to do Things You Don’t Want to Do
The boy I almost dated made me flirt with our teacher just to get on his good side, not that it worked though. The point is you shouldn’t fall for guilt tripping. If perhaps you’re dating someone who’s pressuring you to do what you don’t want. Or something your conscience is telling you not to do.
Kindly understand that True Love cannot pressure, manipulate or make you feel guilty. Love is selfless and wants what’s best for you.
Don’t allow your kind or sympathetic nature to be used against you. That’s why self-discipline is needed, to help you stay firm on your initial decision and keep a clear conscience.
3. He Distances and Disrespects your Family and Friends
The reason he wants to get away from your family is that he doesn’t want them seeing what you’re so blind to see. So he can easily change you into someone he wants you to be with no interruption.
He’ll accomplish this in pointing out flaws in your families and friends and even go the extra mile to disrespect them.
Apart from the fact, that he’s putting a knife on your mental health and overall happiness, if you allow him to manipulate and penetrate you, you’ll be left with no option than to choose between him and everyone else in your life.
Before you met him, your family and friends have been there and you were awesomely living your best life with them.
Don’t let someone take this happiness away from you because of their own toxic personality issues.
4. He Faults and Criticizes you in Public
Does he often crack jokes with you and make a caricature of you in front of people or even on social media?
And sometimes you may laugh on the inside but your heart is being crushed on the inside and your spirit is about to burst.
You just want to yell and shout but can’t because it’s someone you love. You’re left to wonder how come they don’t seem to know how you feel or care about you.
Well, he does but he wants you to always know his in control of you and what you should be feeling every moment as long as you’re with him.
Just know you’re in a toxic relationship and you’re extremely dealing with a narcissist and narcissists don’t change.
5. He’s Scared of Showing Affection in Public
He feels uncomfortable with you on the public? Unless he has a good reason (maybe want to keep you safe) for wanting to keep your relationship a secret, then it’s unacceptable.
I experienced this part with my ex; I was naive and really in love. He wanted to keep us secret so he doesn’t make a huge scene whenever we break up.
But, how come he’s already planning for a breakup when he claims to be so in love with you? He probably doesn’t want people asking a question about his relationship with you. Or he isn’t over with his ex yet and doesn’t want them finding he is dating again.
Whatever selfish reason he might have, you shouldn’t agree to it or tolerate it.
If you want to be in a committed relationship and he isn’t willing to take the steps, then there isn’t much a relationship to continue.
State your claims and don’t make him feel pressured about it because you don’t want to waste your time with someone who isn’t on a full relationship with you.
6. A Partner who is Lazy
If you’re in a relationship with a lazy partner then you’re in for a lifetime hardship.
Do you find him constantly online chatting or playing games with no ambition whatever? Does he always talk about achieving greater things but in the end he never take steps to even achieve it.
Then, Sister, this is a red flag because you’re about to become someone else’s meal ticket. For you to detect that your significant half is lazy, that’s because you’re a hard worker and trust me you won’t need someone whose plan is to float through life with no purpose.
One sweet benefit of being in a relationship is that you get to have someone who’ll support and encourage you, so lose him if he’s holding you back and selfishly picking apart your goals in life.
7. He Compares you to Other People
“Wow, my mom is a better cook”
“My ex doesn’t do it that way”
Or whatever ways he’s always trying to compare you to another person. Truth is that you don’t deserve to be disrespected in this way.
For whatever reason, you’re never allowed to feel your self-esteem and self-respect and worth washed down the drain or slowly disappear on you, leaving you to fight your ways to impress your man just to start feeling good about yourself.
You can’t be like his aunt, mum, friend or ex. You can only be YOU! And you‘re good enough for someone out there, but if your partner is blind to see it, then it’s not your fault. I suggest you pack up yourself and move on.
Or if you think, it was a mistake, then don’t hesitate to address the situation immediately, because this can be a form of emotional abuse – very damaging and has a painful way of changing you into who you don’t want to be.
8. He Sees you as a Child
I haven’t seen a child who’s ever in a relationship. When he often lectures you and advice you when you do something they don’t approve of, there’s a problem then.
This is incredibly unfit and unattractive to be in a relationship where your partner scolds and lectures you on what to do and what not to do.
But, the truth is that it isn’t your partner’s place to scold you because it’ll make you feel belittled and small.
You’re a team and there should always be a room for two-way interaction and conversations that’s mutually respectful.
So, let him know how uncomfortable and belittled you feel and if he’s truly your best friend, he’ll find a more caring way to talk to you when they see you might be off the line.
9. He has Wandering Eyes
Have you caught him checking out someone else that’s not YOU? That’s not OK!
If he claims to love you, He should have eyes for only you.
I know we’re all humans, and we can be looking around and of course, noticing other people, and it isn’t bad to acknowledge some is attractive too. But, it’s bad to ogle, stare and check out someone else who your partner isn’t.
This is very disrespectful-coming from your partner and the love between both of you.
Just to let you know, if he can stare at someone else uncontrollably he can also cheat on you.
10. He’s Over Protective of his Phone
I know setting boundary is necessary especially in a relationship, but there are harmless ways to do that, to maintain a healthy relationship.
But, if you notice he doesn’t like you picking up their phones or looking over their shoulder while they’re on it….there is definitely a problem.
You should know the kind of work your partner is into, and if it doesn’t demand security clearance to have access to it then, there’s definitely a shady business going on there.
Ok, He was planning a surprise for you? But then, he shouldn’t get mad at you for picking up their phones and laptops.
11. A Jealous Partner
When your partner is having insecurity issues, trust, and manipulative issues then you both need to do some talking
There’re a lot of natural ways to show affection, protect your loved ones and let the whole world know about them. But, when he often tries to monitor you, or require constant contact with you, or questions your whereabouts with undertones of jealousy, then you’ll need to confront this situation ASAP.
And if he doesn’t change then suggest a therapy session with him or the best way- Exit the relationship, because you don’t want someone acting like it’s your fault they’re insecure.